Contemplation and Truth

I have been contemplating how we ever reached a point in our evolution where our dress size and flawless facial skin defined who we are as women? Worse, we have perpetuated this wicked concept to continue for more than half a century (maybe even longer).

I wonder, as I see endless news feeds with celebrity gossip or billboards promising lost inches and smaller rear ends, how we agreed that this should be our norm. Being raised in a world where these are common everyday practices had left me numb.

Now I raise two young girls who are starting to notice the different sizes of people’s bodies and the way airbrushed models look on the cover of magazines in the check out line. They ask question about why some people are made up and why I don’t even wear lipstick. You see, nearly six years ago when they were born I started to wage a war on this warped sexist view of reality. I started turning off the TV and cancelling beauty magazine subscriptions so that I could figure out what true beauty meant. I checked in with myself instead of the Internet to decide how I felt on any given issue. I no longer listened to the gossip. I never take beauty pictures for face value. In fact I stopped looking at them in the check out line, rather I now make a point to connect to the person in front or behind me. Eye contact can really bring out the truth in a person. I started connecting with myself. It was uncomfortable and life changing. My additions to my mineral makeup stopped and I started stocking up on books that fed my mind and entertained me the way no amount of trash TV ever could. I broke down the barriers and started talking about my body and discovering my blood time in ways that had once seemed taboo. I stood naked in the mirror and faced myself for what I looked like after the birth of twins. This alone was the most painful experience I had ever encountered and really it should have been the most beautiful. I can’t explain this all to my daughters, I can only show them through action the gift of self-love. This is how they will grow to love themselves for who they are and not what they look like in comparison to someone else.

For my fellow sisters than need some guidance, here is the honest truth: You are beautiful just the way you are- make-up free, less your spanks, messy natural hair and full of life. Who you are should never be measured skin deep. You would never have survived a best friends betrayal, your first menstruation, childbirth or someday the death of your loved one if that was the case. Your worth is contained far deeper than your flesh. Your blood time is sacred and you should honor it. Each month you bleed and yet you never die. Utilize this strength and find it’s beauty. Speak the words you long to voice and don’t worry about what others might think. Smile at your fellow sisters in the store and for goodness sake help hold the door open for the Mom with three children who’s trying to wrangle a crazy toddler out of a busy street. Let’s help, compliment and support each other on our paths. Let go of the idea that you will love yourself when you finally fit into skinny jeans. Stand naked in front of the mirror and say ‘Damn you look good today’ even if you don’t mean it. Don’t allow yourself to be chained to the world that an advertising exec decided was the reality for the day. You will never win that race. You will age, you will wrinkle, you will grow larger or sag or shrink. You body is fluid and in motion. Your soul is a vast endless well waiting to be filled and shared. Choose what can nourish you deeply and release that which is fickle and a fraud. Your worth more than your weight in gold, don’t sell out for less than what you deserve. Better yet, own yourself. You can be in a healthy loving relationship and still be you. Love you- it is your best asset.

This is the real reality my dear fellow sister, the real truth. I will scream it from the mountaintops and share it deeply with all those who will listen. My daughters will have memorized these truths and they will help pass them on into the world, will you?

Loving you deeply,

Leah