Full Disclosure

Honesty is at the root of healing. Honesty with self and others helps the healing spread and grow. Sometimes painful, honesty is the only way I know how to move forward with self-actualization.

Here is where I get honest with everyone out in web land. I have 5 main areas of healing that I've been working on as I've become more self aware, a bi-product of my spiritual quests. I share these because I want to inspire others to create their own list for healing. I believe that we are all whole and complete as we are- this doesn't mean we can't be aware of areas in our life that would benefit from some cleaning up.

I have a tendency to keep things bottled up inside- to the point of making myself sick.
I sometimes people please to avoid conflict.
I am a perfectionist but hate the confines it creates.
I love structure but do better (in most cases) when I can flow rather than stick to a plan.
My nature is one of easy going, fun loving happy. I tend to come across as something different when I get caught up in the first 4 issues.

Growth doesn't always happen over night. I've been working on this list for a while. By becoming aware of these issues healing was created. Now aware, the opportunity to move away from something unhealthy is a new choice that was once not seen. I work on these issues as life presents them. I take the lessons as I go.

Positive thoughts
Here are a few more things about myself I want to share that are deeply rooted within me. This is the area of my life that I spend the most time and energy growing. These are also areas that I honor as my own personal truths.

I love with all my heart, work with all my heart, grow with all my heart. I don't do things half-fast, it's just not in my nature. 
I pray daily for everyone, in all ways, and focus on specific areas of the world when it's needed. 
I meditate daily. It's my safe place and where sanity can be found when it's hiding everywhere else. 
I get lost in books for hours and will devote endless amounts of time to reading. Learning is never ending.
I love yoga and pushing my body to it's limits. I love to exercise. I work to devote more time to it daily. I'm married to my soul mate. Not the cliche dreamy movie soul mate. The real- in your face, calls me on my crap, never gives up on me- soul mate. 
I always give people the benefit of the doubt unless my inner alarm goes off. Everyone deserves a chance. 
I'm grateful I'm a mother. I don't know what I would do without this crazy duo. They make me a better person in every way. 
I forgive. 
I'm still healing within and facing my fears when they arise.

I've created the positive list as a starting point. My own personal list of strengths is much longer. I make a point to add to it as I rediscover more of myself. When the facade is removed or a new link created, a new aspect of self is reveled. I spent a long time hiding from myself so as the pure form of myself emerges I honor each new aspect. Create your list and grow from it.

Facing yourself isn't for sissies. This is hard work and it requires a commitment to be honest to a fault. I have shared myself with my husband or someone in a professional capacity (read counselor or doctor) when the healing was deep and needed another person to witness the release. It's not a requirement to have witnesses but it sure makes it easier. Receiving feed back helps. Sometimes your insanity is only as crazy as you believe it to be. Loved ones have an annoying way of letting you know that you have a lot more sanity than you believe you do.

Breathe, stretch, grow, begin again.

Namaste 

Breaking the mold

I'm out of sync.

I did this to myself so I could break old patterns and habits. As humans we are so attached to our way of thinking, living, being. Change makes us scratch at every last shred of familiar we have left until we have no choice but to move forward into the new. I'm breaking the habit of holding on. I'm letting go so I can change now and not when the next wave hits and knocks me down.

Yesterday a bee landed on my hand. I felt a sense of calm come over me that instilled a ripple of hope. A ripple of energy so deep that it hit the bottom of the well that is my soul. The bee kissed me and blessed me. Almost as if to say 'You are now pollinated, grow into the greatness that you were always meant to become'.

As I dreamed last night I saw pictures of old places and times my energy still resided. The pictures looked like a photoshop slide show with shades of grey to note the uselessness that holding onto them contained. I started shredding the images. I pulled at the string that held these images together and they pulled up and scattered into the wind disappearing back into the ethers to be recycled into love. As I pulled I looked down and saw raw nerves of freedom reveling themselves. The intensity in which they tingled and snapped awakened my nervous system and broke open the walls of my heart. My protection layer was gone. I was also set free.

When I woke I had the feeling of being outside of myself. I grounded but it wasn't the same feeling. My sight was different. I felt different internally as well as externally. My transition into the morning routine was bumping. I have changed the routine so I can have time for yoga while the girls wake and do their quiet morning play. I felt disoriented now having my routine shifted as well. As I sat on the yoga mat and closed my eyes I felt an internal wind blowing me. I was out of sync and into a new space that will quickly become my new norm. Now is the time to set the intentions while my shell is soft and pliable.
Now I break the mold and grow into me only more refined. Stronger both physically and metnally. Flexible and centered. Creative and giving. Grounded and willing. My new outward expression of the inward love that has always been contained within me waiting to be born again in this moment now.

Lessons from the Breath

I'm learning to breathe again. Its the most vital function we can do for ourselves. Some how we seem to get it all wrong most times. True deep breathing for long periods of time does so much good for all levels of the body, mind, and soul. I personally have been experiencing healing's within the heart center as well as more oxygen in the blood and a more centered emotional space daily.
A few days ago I was called to write a poem about my breath and I wanted to share it with you.


Prana

On this breath I feel
    Everything.
    Nothing.
    Pain, sorrow, loss.
    Love- unconditional and expanding.

On this breath the energy of the moon and stars pulse through me
   Questions fill me,
   Centered they scatter
   Falling like falling leaves.

On this breath I wonder,
  Where does this life expand outside of motherhood and partnership?
   Do I get to be selfish or more independently purpose driven?

On this breath I seek within,
  What is the Divine Sources will for me?
  What colorful road of service awaits me?

On this breath I breathe.
   I breathe in Gratitude and just continue to breathe.

Welcome!

The ever revolving door to my life has opened a new chapter. Life is funny like that. There you are floating down the road to wherever and suddenly your road and scenery quickly change leading you into unknown territory. I've grown quite use to this process and I still am always surprised at where I end up and how smoothly I get there when I just flow. 

My newest location finds me in paradise with two little munchkins named Beach and Bead. I named them something totally differently when they were born and they have since learned to walk and talk and renamed themselves. I love them for little things like that. 

Beach and Bead are two strong heart flames that were born almost 5 years ago and have forever changed the course of my voyage. Our paths now merged we walk together exploring earth, love, and all things fun. 

What they helped open in me is the truth my soul has always quietly spoken in my still moments. I am a Leader, a Teacher, a Facilitaor. I guide, I push, and sometimes I pull but I always fall back to center of their world and they in mine. The importance of knowing my strengths as well as my weaknesses and sharing them daily with B&B makes me authentic and in touch with God- myself in form. 

I started this blog to write out the musings of raising two Heart Centered children who know only authenticity and honest parenting. I will share not only our adventures but also my personal growth and studies. As a Student of Life I also have interests and learnings I passionately want to learn and share with my world. 

Welcome to the fun crazy world of Beach and Bead- adventures in life!